I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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