I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
