Me too!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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