he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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