ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
