i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize