well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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