I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
