i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
