ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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