We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.