sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
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I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.