I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
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Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.