He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
