oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize