I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
