Sponge bath it is.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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