Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
