Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
