If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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