just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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