my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize