I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't make out with my wife yet
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize