can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
