No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
