Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
