i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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