I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Randomize
