I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
