I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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