never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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