I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
