I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
