I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
