I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
