i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
