just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I want to be your penis for a week.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
