Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
