I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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