So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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