My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
zippers are such a cool invention
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
