I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
