I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
