Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
