I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
