I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
