i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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