that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
