you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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