The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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