All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
