god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
