I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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