The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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