I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
