he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
