I got chris browned last night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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