her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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