everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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