I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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