so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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