and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
