i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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