Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
