I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
