how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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