If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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