we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
