You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
