Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
