rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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