I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
