I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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