My hand turned me down
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
