thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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