i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
