Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
