god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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