Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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